for the purposes of the internet you can call me Craw!! i use he/him pronouns and i'm an autistic trans guy who had never done coding before trying to do neocities, so forgive me if this is a bit shabby!! i'm just here to have fun and be silly and free :3 uhh i will do all sorts of anything on here!! whatever strikes my fancy. i get anxious quite a lot so this site isn't gonna be anything serious that'd make me stressed, just my silly little website i do what i want with :)
i am (secretly) a hedgehog , , yeag
if you haven't noticed from the general seemings of this site i'm a very rambly guy, i say lots of words and use lots of brackets everywhere. in the lists below i've bolded keywords to make it sorta easier to process?but i haven't done that for the whole site
these aren't especially categorised cause every time i try to do that it starts stressing me out for some reason???i might edit this in the future though!!
And if I wanted too much / Was that such a mistake at the time? / You never wanted enough, alright tough / I don't make that a crime / And while it's going along / You take for granted some love will wear away / We took for granted a lot but still I say / It could have kept on growing / Instead of just kept on / We had a good thing going / Going / Gone
- Good Thing Going (from Merrily We Roll Along, composed by Stephen Sondheim)
It was an expensive mistake / It was an expensive mistake / My horse broke his back to get me here / I have his blood on my hands for no reason / But what was I supposed to do? / How was I supposed to know how to use a tube amp? / How was I supposed to know how to drive a van? / How was I supposed to know how to ride a bike without hurting myself? / How was I supposed to know how to make dinner for myself? / How was I supposed to know how to hold a job? / How was I supposed to remember to grab my backpack after I set it down to play basketball? / And how was I supposed to know how to not get drunk every / Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and - why not - Sunday? / (How was I supposed to know how to steer this ship?) / How was I supposed to know how to steer this ship? / How the hell was I supposed to steer this ship? / It was an expensive mistake / You can't say you're sorry and it's over / I was given a body that is falling apart / My house is falling apart / And I was given a mind that can't control itself / (And what about the pain I'm in right now?) / And I was given a ship that can't steer itself / (And what about a vacation?) / And what about a vacation to feel good? / My horse broke his back and left me here / And how was I supposed to know? / And God won't forgive me / And you won't forgive me / Not unless I open up my heart / And how am I supposed to do that / When I go to this same room every night / And sleep in the same bed every night? / The same fucking bed / With the red comforter with the white stripes / And the yellow ceiling light that makes me feel like I'm dying / This sea is too familiar / How many nights have I drowned here? / How many times have I drowned? / (How many times have I drowned?) / I give up!
- The Ballad of the Costa Concordia (Teens of Denial- Car Seat Headrest)
Well, it seems to me what we want and we need are the same / And that's someone who'll worry about us / 'Til death do us part, please keep breaking my heart / 'Til it ceases to beat, please be mine / Well it seems that that's what it means
- When Somebody Needs you (Camp Here & There soundtrack - Will Wood)
And I don't think you were that bad / There were days when I saw the life / that I could have had / I could have been loved / Spent days in the sun / To warm up my back while I run
- Laika (Pigeon Watch)
I guess I'm scared that I'm imaginary / That I invent myself every day so other people don't have to / That who I really am is secondary to what I want everyone else to see and I'm scared that I'm crazy / But God help me, I'm twice as scared I'm sane / 'Cause then what excuse do I have for treating people like problems that need to be solved or explained? / And that's where you come in / You came along, you taught me that people cannot be explained / That we are all ghost stories at the end of the day / And maybe we should just aim to stay that way / Maybe there's a reason why we do the wonderful-horrible things we do to each other, but the reasons are too simple to be satisfying / And then we're left forgetting and re-mystifying each other / 'Cause we don't really wanna understand what makes us hurt each other / No we don't really wanna understand what makes us hurt each other / No we don't really wanna understand what makes us- / Fuck, sorry
- Ghost Stories (Eden Disorder- The Narcissist Cookbook)
So I rake the sky, I listen hard. I trawl the megahertz. But the net isn't fine enough and I miss you- a swan sailing between two continents, a ghost immune to radar. Still, my eyes are fixed upon the place I last saw you, your signal urgent but breaking. Before you became cotton in a blizzard, a plane coming down behind enemy lines.
- I Trawl The Megahertz (Prefab Sprout) (side note this whole song + the whole album are brilliant lyrically
And if I show you my dark side / Would you still hold me tonight? / And if I open my heart to you / And show you my weak side / What would you do?
- The Final Cut (Pink Floyd) (but i also really like the AJJ cover
The city doesn't look like any other. It is piled on top of itself, like layers of sediment. I followed a path that felt level enough, across roads and down alleys, and then, coming to a railing. I look over, and I see the roof of a dizzying cathedral beneath me that ten minutes earlier I had been staring up at in wonder. This city is a curse on cartographers, bridges passing over bridges, streets stacked upon streets upon streets, parallel worlds, never quite meet, buildings larger inside than out, nondescript doors that lead, somehow, to entire, hidden towns, stairwells that stretch ever up, and ever down. And all of this I strongly suspect moving and changing, when no one is around. This city sleeps, and it sleeps deeply, drawing long heavy breaths you might mistake for the growl of traffic, or the groan of machinery. And when it dreams, the empty streets swell with figments of its dreaming. Like you. Like me. You and me, we peer curiously down back alleys, we scale cathedrals and cling to their spires to crow with the gargoyles, we scratch dark prophecy into bathroom stall walls and answer calls on disconnected payphones. And through our eyes, and our hearts and mouths, the city begins to know itself. Through our missed exits, bad calls, and wrong turns, it thoroughly, painstakingly, maps itself out.
- i think i'm going to leave my phone at home tonight (The Narcissist Cookbook)