my 4 step plan to finding meaning in life and existence and thus gaining the ability to move and grow and be happy

_12/05/25

probably i will delete this later or certainly not have it show up in my profile's update pages. but i need to get my thoughts somewhere and this is the most bearable way right now

do not take this as any kind of professional advice. this is just a guy talking to himself through a computer, and you're more than welcome to listen to what he says but he doesn't entirely know what he's talking about.

1. improve your surroundings to the best of your ability

as much as i try to avoid it, i think it's almost definitely true that what you surround yourself with impacts how you are feeling. if your environment does not foster growth and happiness it's much more dificult (though not impossible) to get to it.

• tidy your room. it is the most impossible task ever and it will kill me but i cannot stay living like this its so awful in here. of course i don't get up off the floor it's because there's nowhere else that's at all nice to be. there'll be ways of segmenting it to make it more manageable, which i don't know, but i guess i'll have to find out.
• surround yourself with people you like (to the best of your ability). this isn't to say that you should avoid anyone you slightly dislike that's just not how life works, but in terms of your immediate friends and suchlike, don't stick around people that make you feel like shit. i already made progress with this one and it had its fucking Consequences but mine was a unique situation. if you're actually seeing this and using it as advice yourself (probably, don't do that) you would almost definitely be fine.
• if you're moving elsewhere, make it somewhere you like. if you're staying where you are, try and find some really nice and special things in your surrounding environment. for me i really like this one walk i can take very easily, plus a hill which i need to acclimate myself to again. there's also nice bookshops where i can be around other people which is helpful sometimes.
• improve your hygiene. i think this is the one that i personally find the most challenging, so i can't really speak as to how effective it is. but theoretically if you shower regularly, sleep in a bed (rather than on the floor, this one's aimed at specifically me), wear clean clothes, brush your teeth,, it's so difficult and i Know this but take it steady. do what you can. don't beat yourself up when you don't manage, and reward yourself when you do.
• also more focused on the self, but, take steps to make yourself feel happier in your own body. for some this might be clothes or hair, for others it might be something like HRT (it's never too late. and you do deserve it) but honestly it could be anything that's unique to you. for me i feel most comfortable when i wear fun shirts, so i've got my wardrobe to a point where that's mostly what i have so even when i have no energy to get dressed in the morning, i still look half decent because the clothes i have look nice and make me look and feel better.

please, legitimately, try your best to go outside, leave your room or your house, it is hellish and difficult but it is worth it. i promise.

2. do things you enjoy

quite honestly this doesn't mean anything. and if you're anything like me right now, its exceptionally hard to find anything that you do enjoy. what even is enjoyment anyway? but equally, i strum through a couple of songs on the guitar and it makes me feel just a little bit lighter, at least for a bit. and maybe that's all i've got for definite right now but that's ok. i know things that i do have the capacity to enjoy (sewing, painting, baking?, website making, video games, reading) and even when i feel like shit that doesn't actually go away. i also think it can be really intimidating to even try and do anything enjoyable when you're feeling miserable, because what if i don't enjoy it? and then it was all for nothing?? and proves there's no hope at all??? and yeah, maybe that will happen, it does sometimes. but a) there's always the chance that you do enjoy it and it makes you feel at least a bit better, or b) maybe it can help open you up to other opportunities. which again are nigh impossible to start but sadly to some extent you just have to fucking, sieze the day as they say and just fucking do the Thing and then at least you're doing something. last weekend i went to see a show with my friends, and sure i felt ridiculously shitty after it but during it it was awesome and i can try my best to appreciate having had that; it proves that i can have it again, not that it's unattainable. if you don't know what you enjoy, just try literally anything. doesn't have to be anything big, hell, even just start taking a picture every day just on your phone and see if photography's your thing. there's so many possibilities out there. and they're not unattainable. there's just an extra barrier but its worth at least trying to topple it. sorry, i don't want this to be shitty empty motivational speak, i'm trying to convince myself here too.

3. be kind to others and allow them to be kind to you

9 times out of 10 everyone around you does not despise you. which maybe i can never believe but you're just gonna have to trust me on this, ok? and if its the 1 time out of 10 then that can be dealt with separately, it's not literally the end of the world i promise. i think for me one of the things i'm finding the most difficult at the minute is giving back to my friends, since i feel so shit and lack any motivation how am i meant to maintain any kind of connection? what's the point?? and idk the point is we as human beings are social creatures, it does us good to have some sense of community. even if i can't be the Best for my friends, i can still try and at least like, send them a funny video, or something cool i thought of or saw; it's at least Something and god dammit i do want to be able to do that much. when i feel like i should leave all my friends, for me its always in such a way that they don't care about me so i can go off and, die alone guilt free, but this inherently proves that they do already care about me. "oh but what if it's just out of obligation and they actually hate me" then that's sort of a them problem? or not fully i don't know its complicated and scary but i think you have to believe that people care about you, and you care about them back. i love my friends and yes i wish i could be so much better for them but yknow, maybe my inadequacies do not mean i should never speak to them ever again? maybe i just fuckin, try my best and i try to get better for them if i can't for myself, and the better i get the better i am for them and sure that's sort of a shit motivation but it's a motivation.

also, this applies to online spaces! especially if you're online a lot, don't stay in spaces that just make you feel shitty, you won't be missing out on anything, i promise. that's not to say all Online is Bad, but definitely i think it's easier to curate your online experience than it is your in-person one, and therefore you should try your best to not just look at things and talk to people who make you feel shitty. there are people on the internet who are lovely, and there are communities that will help you and support you. just try your best to do what makes you feel good. this is maybe more applicable to the previous heading but i've written it here now.

4. appreciate the mundane

this is something i really try with and have been for a while. the world is full of beautiful things, sometimes it just takes noticing them. i like looking at the moon and watching over time as it changes through its phases; i like being able to watch the seasons change and how the world keeps going. even simpler than that, maybe arbitrarily pick a common bird species or something and look out for it. i'm a big pigeon fan, so when i see them it's something nice to notice. sometimes you just enjoy how a building looks, the way a plant grew, literally anything that's just There you can take and hold dear to some extent. like it's not that simple but it's a good habbit to get into, i think; just looking out for something nice. it won't fix everything (like i say, this is the one i've actually been doing and i wouldn't say i'm just completely fine), but it's Something that's not too daunting.

again, this just a highly personal list of things i think i should try and do to make myself feel better. maybe we're not all doomed forever. maybe it's going to get better and there will be so many good things i promise. based on no authority other than hope i hold for the people around me and therefore end up distantly having for myself. it's going to be ok. but there are things you can do to make it more ok, rather than just waiting for it to happen. it's very very very very difficult but we keep going. ok?

i'm going to try and tidy my room